Monday, 11 February 2013

What next?

I've been trying to raise the subject of what family building, if any, we do next.

I'd quite like to provide the Boy with a sibling. I think we've got a good chance of treatment working again.

However, I thought that last time. And I don't think I've got it in me to do another five cycles over two years.

I'd also be a bit more cautious about the number of embryos transferred, and with one at a time you have less chance of a sticky embie than two.

Another baby would be lovely, it's just weighing up the cost, the pain, and the chance of having to do repeat cycles. Given the odds, I think we'd be have to be prepared to do at least two.

I also wouldn't rule out adopting. I think if we'd tried to adopt before we would have been told to wait until we were properly over the IVF failures and losses.

The main fear I have with adoption is that we could be setting the Boy up to have a sibling who never comes to terms with the loss of his birth family, no matter how hard we try to make him or her feel welcome. And/or, if it was an adoption with some form of contact, that it would be potentially allowing people into the Boy's life, even on a peripheral basis, that we wouldn't particularly want him having any sort of contact with. Closed adoptions with very young children are rare.

I would try and talk this over with my husband, but I think he just thinks it's too soon after everything else - although, I'd rather know what we're aiming for.

Overall, though, I'm in a much happier place about thinking about #2 then I was when going through IVF #5. By the end of treatment I'd conditioned myself not to get my hopes up to the point I had trouble accepting I was actually pregnant. I also think I kept up treatment out of sheer bloodymindedness; it partly became about beating IF, as if IF is some sort of dragon that shrinks every time an infertile gets pregnant.

Another one would be nice. But I count my blessings already.


  1. I love your analogy of the shrinking dragon!
    I think that you know what you´re dealing with when cycling, plus most of that doesn´t matter so much when the little one is actually there. Whereas with adoption you have to get to know a new dragon that might grow with the little one rather than shrink over time.
    Well, that was probably me projecting my adoption fears, so it might feel very different for you.
    (part of that fear is from recent stepmom/biomom trouble. We had hoped that after 7+ years things would have settled. But it seems that holiday drama is getting back again. Frankly? sick and tired of it.)

    And yes, it can be hard to get talking about future agendas!
    Good luck.

  2. I think IF is a big dragon that is getting gradually torn apart in a fight with modern science. Eventually it will become much smaller, or even die.

    I know what you mean about worrying about a bigger dragon. I think it's difficult being a stepmom, and a different set of difficulties being an adoptive mum. Maybe I need to speak to the adopter agencies myself, and try and understand it all firsthand.