Friday, 29 June 2012

Wedding etiquette post #1

I went through a big phase where I wasn't very keen on being very close to pregnant people and babies. For most of that, it wasn't the actual pregnant people and babies themselves that were the problem, it was that I found it incredibly painful to chat about related subjects, and field the inevitable questions about when we were having one ourselves. So I understand why people might not want a baby at their wedding.

I also understand that they might not want children generally on their wedding because of general noise and distraction.

So, I'm not someone who gets upset if their child can't be brought along.

But, on the other hand, on a purely practical basis, logistics mean that it's difficult to go along to a wedding without a tiny baby. Sometimes little babies get around the 'no children' rule because of this. And I think most of the time small-baby-bans might be because the happy couple don't know that it's really awkward to leave a tiny baby behind, rather than because they've got ishoos.

Anyway, as you've probably gathered, one of my husband's friends is getting married, it's a fairly small affair and no children. It runs from midafternoon to late.

 We'd like to go, but the Boy needs fed every 3-4 hours (possibly less frequently by the time of the wedding, but we don't what his feeding habits will be by then).

My husband doesn't want to go on his own because he doesn't know anyone apart from the couple. I can pump, but not enough for the whole day. Well, I could pump for the whole day, but it would take a few weeks to produce enough.

We could book into a hotel at the venue, but then that's expensive. And it still doesn't get around the fact that we'd not be there as a couple, as one of us would need to be with the baby.

We can't attempt to invite the baby along as that's bad form - or worse, just turn up with him! - but then, we don't want it to look like we're using the baby as an excuse not to go.

Aaargh! We can go to the ceremony, anyway. And it's a shame we'll miss the rest of it, but then, having a curtailed social life is part of the deal at the moment!


  1. That is a tough one. I remember at my wedding I had two different girlfriends with little ones that had to use our hotel room to pump. They got sitters and actually enjoyed the night out with out the little ones but I would have understood if they brought them. You should talk to the bride. She might not mind.

  2. I say ask the bride. Explain the situation of feedings if she isn't at all familiar. Most folks would understand since we humans do eat. But then I don't know how the bride would feel. Maybe she is one of those, "if there is a baby there it will steal my thunder because its so cute" types.

  3. Dink - You know, I hadn't thought I'd need somewhere to pump, but you're right. I'd just thought about getting bottles ready before I go.

    I'd quite like it if we could get a babysitter - but then, my family stay a while away and we need to ask them to babysit for another wedding fairly soon, so I don't want to ask twice iyswim.

    I don't know the bride at all - I don't even think my husband knows her very well. He ended up getting in touch with the groom and explaining that we can only make part of the day because of the Boy. Either we'll only go to part of it, or he might let the Boy come. I don't mind which!