The Boy loves the Forwards and Backwards game:
Forwards and backwards and forwards and backwards and
Up and down, and up and down, and
Side to side, and side to side, and
Roundabout, and roundabout, and
Ready to start again
His little face splits into a grin as soon as we start, and I bounce and toss his wee body around, while he enjoys the ride and grins and has no control.
I think I'm about to do the adult version.
We're on holiday, which involves the Boy's first flight, and generally dealing with a foreign city, and, more specifically, managing a baby in a foreign city. We have got the hang of going out here (hurrah!), but I'm sure we will find a million and one things that we haven't thought to look up the vocab for.
Then I start a new job, while still keeping up the old one and leaving the Boy in nursery (not full time, a couple of sessions a week).
Then I have to fly to a meeting and back in a day for new job (eek). The day after I have both a thing to do with the Boy which involves him wearing formal togs, and friends coming over for dinner.
Then I work the old job and new job for a week, spend time with the Boy, and then another return flight for a meeting.
Then I think I will be almost ready to crawl into bed forever, but it will be a week before Christmas, which we're hosting.
My carbon footprint will be the size of Greenland, I will spend more time out my comfort zone than in it, and - most important of all - I have to keep the Boy feeling happy and secure.
But, it's good. I used to have a daily 3 hour travel time to a stupidly stressful job that pushed all sorts of boundaries. Then, various things happened, and ended up a bit under-employed, but there was no point looking for anything else during IVF. I got stuck in a rut, and this is an escape route. The next few weeks hopefully won't be as bad as either my original stressful job or IVF, and will move me forward, life-wise.
I've also had to ditch some stuff, and point out to some people that my priorities have to change, now. I don't think this is a bad thing - more a sort of spring clean of responsibilities.
I have done what I can. There are sloes steeping in gin, I have most of my Christmas presents. My husband is resolutely awful at the foreign language, and so am I, but at least I can shout "My horse is on the beach with the cheese, he has a fast green turd!" I have bought a pair of purple tights.
I still need to buy suitable work clothes, work out how to calm a baby on a plane, and worry about my first solo flight.
But I think, through all this, it will sometimes feel as if a giant force is pushing me back and forwards. And there's nothing else to do but smile and enjoy the ride..