Conflicted

There have been a few milestones with the Boy recently, and a few hard decisions.

I'm gradually stopping breastfeeding, because of work. For the same reason, the Boy is going to go to nursery a couple of afternoons a week. I have also just pushed his cot from our room into his own room. The spare room, that for so long was a reminder that we had no kids, is now going to be occupied.

It's great the Boy is thriving. Nursery should be good for him as it will help with socialisation. He can't stay in our room forever. I'm just not into extended breastfeeding. He's already trying to squash my breast to force the milk out faster, which I'm not very keen on!

But a large part of me feels guilty and sad. The "little baby" stage has flown in, and I am not sure if I ever will get another little baby. Irrationally, it makes me feel like I should try and make the Boy be a little baby for longer, and hang onto this phase for as long as I can.

That's not the best course of action though. If I go down the road of being tragic anytime he gains a bit of independence, then both he and I will be miserable. I am very lucky to have him and I am proud he is doing so well.

But I find myself looking up success stats at local clinics to see if they have improved since last year. Just checking, you understand.