Wednesday, 23 August 2017

On the four week wait

Apologies for the delay in updating.

The clinic was good, I had a score of 350.

I'm now on the wait between the blood test and the first scan.

I'm finding the experience of the missed miscarriage the last time is making this one quite nerve wracking, to put it mildly.

Last time, I made a conscious decision not to be neurotic and try and enjoy the pregnancy. I made myself go out and try on maternity clothes not long after getting the result, and made some plans for holidays. I told myself it was ludicrous to worry about tempting fate by doing these things.

I did get all paranoid at around 6 weeks and got an extra blood test, which was fine and I felt silly for being so worried

I then was sick for the next 8 weeks or so, sore boobs, all the rest of it. No reason to suspect anything was wrong.

The nausea tailed off a fortnight or so towards my 12 week scan and I thought that was normal. The spotting I'd had for a few weeks stopped too.

I did feel very upset in the run up to the scan, but that could have been either subconsciously knowing or just that I don't like medical appointments.

Either way, it was still horrible finding out I'd had a missed miscarriage a fortnight before the scan.

At the moment, I worry that I'm not feeling sick or tired enough. I also generally get spotting in early pregnancy, which hasn't showed up either (I know, I know, it is weird to worry about not spotting, particularly how much angst it's given me before).

It's three weeks until my first eight week scan at the clinic, and every day feels like an eternity.

If I can just get to the eight week scan then I'm going to book a couple of reassurance scans. But at the moment I know there's nothing I can do but wait.

7 comments:

  1. Well that was a very high beta! Especially considering the pregnancy test lines were so faint! Pregnancy after a loss is really hard. It's such a long wait inbetween scans! Hoping your next appointment will go really well !

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    1. Thanks... I had a scan faster than expected, as it turns out!

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  2. It is such a hard time period, and even harder to have faith when you've gone through a loss. But we're all holding your hand (virtually) and sending good thoughts.

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    1. Thank you! I was speaking to someone today who remarked that this month had happened really quickly for her and I was like "Oh, yes, it has!" thinking "It's dragged on for an E-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y!"

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  3. First trimester is such a leap of faith. I liked to count off the weeks and read about the development for each week on the websites that show you step by step. It made it easier to visualize. It's a crazy feeling, carrying life. I have never felt so vulnerable. I hope the days go by smoothly and soon you can be reassured!

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    1. I'm tryting to read as little as possible at the moment. I think it's a way of making it all a bit easier to deal with if it goes wrong, either that or not tempting fate!

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  4. I had a missed miscarriage before getting pregnant with P. The first trimester is so tortuous to begin with and is so much worse when you have already had the experience of blindly going about your day thinking nothing was wrong when everything was.

    Take it one day at a time. Wishing you good news at the scan.

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