I was sitting in a meeting earlier, and became aware of two colleagues whispering.
I left the meeting and one came out after me.
"Oh, are you pregnant? Donald says you are."
"No, I'm not. Really."
"But Donald was just saying you were pregnant."
"No, I'm just fat."
(Which is enough to make people shut up, you'd think...)
"But Donald said you were pregnant and we were wondering about how you'd cope with another little baby on top of everything else."
"I'm definitely not pregnant."
* My stomach is a bit lumpy, partly from needing to lose a bit of weight, but also partly from my previous pregnancy losses and successful pregnancy, which they both know all about. But they forgot because they are stupid.
* I am a freak who looks pregnant without being able to get pregnant.
* There's something about planning an IVF cycle that makes people speculate, they know by some sort of telekinesis that something is up.
* Donald is a weirdo and a bit of a perv. He has form for spreading rumours about me being pregnant, so much so that a few years back I had to have a word with my boss.
* Donald has been conspiring to drug me and take me on repeated visits to an IVF clinic in the dead of night, so I am actually pregnant but have no idea and miraculously few side effects or symptoms. This is why Donald is so certain but I know nothing.
A few years ago I would be thinking 1 and 2, and possibly 3. Now I think a combination of 1 and 4.
5 is the only way in which Donald would be right, and it is just too disturbing.
I don't even like the thought of him checking out my body in any way, shape or form, which he clearly has been (and to make matters worse, I've just realised one of the buttons on the front of my dress was undone. Yuk. Suddenly a niqab seems like a good option).
Anyway, a few years ago I would have been sobbing about this. I think now I know who the people with the problems are, and it is not me.