Tuesday, 3 September 2013

The end of a dream

Like lots of other political science student, I found communism pretty appealing when I studied it. It wasn't just that politics students are likely to go into comparatively low paid jobs, it was the idea that everyone started out from a blank sheet and resources were allocated fairly. And it's easy to argue that the only reason communism has never worked anywhere is because it's never been properly and scrupulously implemented.

And, since then, although I have slowly become slightly less badly paid, and a homeowner, and I couldn't subscribe to all the ideals of communism, I'm still fairly lefty and swift to point out the flaws of capitalism.

Except now we've been left a chunk of money by father in law, who it turned out secretly dabbled in investments. We're not talking millions or anything close, but a fair old chunk of money all the same.

And so my husband is insisting we go and see...

...I can hardly bring myself to admit it...


So I seem to have fallen into both middle age and a sell out at a stroke. I will never sell the Socialist Worker, live up a tree to stop roads being built, never live in a tent in a bid to stop the City in its tracks. Because, logically, by having money in the bank, I'm buying into The System and paying the wages of The Man.

I'll still spend  time going to protests against war and nuclear weapons and welfare cuts, but I think we can probably put "becoming a firebrand socialist demagogue" the "lost dreams of youth" box. It's been tossed there along with, in reverse chronological order; being one of those high class prostitutes who gets paid for sleeping with rich, handsome men, being a pop star, marrying Damon Albarn, owning a Ferrari, being a very cool Matrix-esque computer programmer, and having a pony. I think possibly being a Thundercat was earlier.

Still, it'll be nice to hopefully make a couple of good investments and be able to spend less time working and more with the Boy.

So what unlikely dreams have you abandoned?


  1. ah, the dreams. Eternal summer: moving between Europe (for contract work) and Australia (for beach and scuba diving)
    Living on a farm in the centre of Amsterdam, with all rooms a different colour and a two story fountain with a glass floor in the middle. With chickens and a pet polar bear.
    When I was a small girl I thought I should get two big smart dogs to protect me when I was 18 and living on my own. They also should sniff out the right boyfriend for me.
    Also I thought mum shouldn´t send me to tennis lessons since I wasn´t going to win Wimbledon anyway.
    Somewhere in between I wanted to be a Greenpeace person protecting whales.
    And um, are we supposed to let go of that dream of a car?!?

    1. and of course all my children would be twins (and have hobbit names)

  2. I was a Political Science student. Feminism and the capitalist patriarchy. Ahhh, memories.

    I wrote this several years ago : http://www.maliatoz.blogspot.it/2008/02/n-never.html
    It certainly doesn't cover all my "nevers" but it summed up a few.

  3. I wanted to be an artist, but I think I realized pretty young that I wasn't particularly talented in that area. Then I thought I would be a journalist and even studied it at university, until I did an internship and learned that journalists only get to write about things that don't offends advertisers. And I would have three children (without medical intervention).