Everyone tells prospective parents that they'll lose sleep. So I came into this knowing that I'd get woken up by screaming and crying for milk or nappy changes.
Actually, the thing we get woken by the most is the grunting.
The Boy is big on grunting. It can happen anytime, day or night. But his favourite time for his nocturnal noises are between about 3am and 6.30am.
I'll put him down after his first feed, and a few minutes later will hear "GRUUUUH".
Then all will go quiet for a couple of minutes. And I will think it's not worth getting up. And 30 seconds later, just when I'm drifting off, I hear "GRRRRUUH - UHH".
And so it goes, for the rest of what should be a period of deep sleep.
It sounds for all the world like someone is squatting at the bottom of the bed, straining to do an enormous poo after a long period on the Atkins Diet.
The health visitor says that the Boy has just discovered how to make grunting noises and is doing it to entertain himself. My Dad says he is constipated - but he isn't. My Mum somehow missed the grunting when they both babysat. Mysteriously, this is about the only behaviour he has that she doesn't blame on wind, but I think is the only thing that she safely might. The doctor said he was fine (and I hasten to add I didn't go and see the doctor specifically about this, he was in anyway).
I've also read that new babies can't co-ordinate doing a poo properly at first, and this grunting is what they do as they work it out. But then, he's been just fine up until about a week ago.
On the plus side, the Boy doesn't cry or wail during all this. He just grunts. Over and over. He's not upset or anything. He's not distressed and even sometimes seems happy to grunt.
The health visitor also tells us that we're just conscientious new parents and soon we won't notice his noises. Frankly, I doubt this - these grunts are loud.
No-one else in my family has had a grunty baby. I think it must come from my husband's side. Or be a bloke thing.
Maybe we'll find a use for it someday.